feeling good

You know, energy feeds upon similar energy. I went running this morning and really felt good all day, and it seems as if everyone was being a lot more friendly and I had more energy so I was being a lot more friendly.
Also, in terms of my career...I love my job, I love the company and there is nothing bad about it. Outside of work I have been working with some old collegue from my last job who started their own business. I have been doing marketing for them and talk with them a few times about strategic planning, and it feels good that they come to me for advice. Once things get moving for them, I may considering doing some actual consulting for them and get paid for it. On the same note, a client of the bank today asked me about doing some marketing for them, because she said that everyone she talks with at the bank speak highly of me. She asked me a couple of questions regarding marketing, so I told her I would be willing to do some outside cosulting for her... it will be interesting to see where that leads.
Seriously, things in life are good, all the ducks are lining up. I like the road my life is taking me on.
"if life is just a highway, then the souls is just a car" - Meatloaf

love and good-byes

life sometimes seems unfair. you know you care a lot about someone, but you know for the good of everyone, you have to say good-bye forever. it's not like you hate the person, there's not bad blood, but you can't continue to have the person in your life, you just have to loose a part of you...it sucks.

family

you know I have pretty much lived on my own since I was 19 (minus the one year I lived back with my mom in Texas) and I have gotten pretty use to it. Most everyone I know has family within an hours drive. I have always been jealous and envyous of those friends and the time they spend with their family. It hasn't been until lately have I realized just how important family can be. My family (my mom, brother and myself) have been getting online to chat every sunday morning for a few years now, sometime we miss sundays, and we haven't been so consistant over the last year or so, but we still try to keep up with each other. I think more so now, when I feel unsure about many things in life, I realized how much family is always their for you, they tell it to you like it is and support you no matter how stupid you have been...

motivation

It's strange how unmotivated a person can be when there is no drive in their life. All my life I wanted to be that guy who after work never came home, always had something to do, people to see, things to do. I would say I had been pretty successful at that. I volunteer as an advisor to my old college fraternity, I have been taking Salsa dancing lessons for a while now, train for triathlons and other events and hang out with my friends a couple of nights a week leaving just enough time to go grocery shopping, do laundry and occasionally see what's on tv. Except for about the last month, the last month I haven't really felt like doing anything. My frat is on their winter break, Salsa dancing is on winter break and it has been a little cold and my training buddies are doing family things this time of year. So, the only thing I look forward to is going to work. It gives me something to do. Most people can't wait to go home, I can't wait to go to work and I hate leaving. Going home to an empty house (my roommate is back with his parents until after the holiday) with nothing to do sucks. I know there are many things I could do when I get home, but I don't have the motivation to do it. Don't feel like reading, drawing, playing my guitar or much else. It's crazy, we all have heard the saying, when it rains it pours; well now I know why. Energy builds on itself, when bad energy is in your life, it just attracts more and more, until you personally break the chain. I guess I will wait until after the holidays when things pick up again. I think I will take two Salsa Dancing classes, a buddy at work is learning to play guitar, so I will practice with him and I think I will join a softball team in the spring.
"a long decemeber and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last..." - Counting Crows

heart

So I found this girl in my salsa dancing class and asked her out a couple of times. Our second date went very well. I really thought we had hit it off, we really got to know each other well and I found out she has a lot of what I am looking for in a women. Then tonight happened...
Earlier I had met up with Justine for coffee because we hadn't talked in a while. She is hurt and mad that I have found some as she says "so quickly" to start dating and that I am dating someone from the class we are in. She went on a date with a guy before I did with Jennifer, and told me she did, and she is mad at me. So tonight we meet to discuss being able to hang out. I told her I would want to spend sometime with Jennifer, she said "that's fine, I don't really plan on hanging around with you tonight much anyway." Wow I thought, that put my worries away, I could spend the night and talk to Jennifer and really keep things on track before she left on her vacation out of the country for three weeks. Justine pretty much spent the whole night, right next to me!!!!! I wasn't able to spend anytime with Jennifer. When the dinner was served, I just got up and left the restaurant and walked around Pasadena. I had felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach and in the chest. Things had been going well with Jennifer before tonight, and in my mind they where getting worse every minute. I came back to the club just before the dancing started and again Justine would come right next to me. I danced with Justine, because our instructor came up and told us we should get out on the dance floor, and it's not really a suggestion, when she say's it, you do it. so Justine and I danced. I was able to dance the next song with Jennifer though. It was good for about the first 3 seconds and then my mind went blank and I lost all rythm. I thought I had brought my "A" game, but it was as far away from that as possible. I find one of the best connections I have ever had with a women and I blow all in just a night. I went from feeling best I have felt in a long time on our second date, to feeling the most depressed I have yet. All I am, everything I do is for one thing and that thing is to find someone to share my life and my heart with.
You know, when you end a relationship, just end it all.
I told Jennifer to call me when she gets back to the country, we will see what happens then...

Getting life on track

Working for Marketing at Alliance Bank has been great, it is the perfect job for me. It is exactly what I have wanted to do. My boss is great and the people I work with are fun to be around. Living in West LA has been an experience, but I think I am done with that and plan to move out of where I am living this summer. I am thinking I need to live closer to the beach or a different part of LA. Life is great. I think my mind is starting to adjust to the idea of what the next stage of my life maybe, the whole family and house and kids and things. Although I am no where close to that, I can see it coming in a few years, it's not such a foreign idea to me. Finding someone to share that part of my life has been a task. I keep wondering if I am being to picky or haven't been looking in the right place. I have all but a few of my ducks in a row, so the thing to do is, sit back and have fun for a while.